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I don’t know how many times I’ve heard someone (usually a parent) say something like…”You sure don’t have to teach a kid how to be bad.” Yeah, they do seem to come by it naturally. It’s almost like they’re born with cruel intentions. But maybe they DO have to learn how to be cruel.
You can actually develop cruel intentions in three easy steps.
Step 1. OK, get ready for this rude awakening. Because you’ve already done step one. But you didn’t really have much to do with it. Hey, I said it would be easy. And step 1 is “be born.” As I hinted at before, you just gotta be born in order to begin your mastery of cruel intentions. Now, let’s move on to the next step. It’s a little bit harder but still very easy.
Step 2. Ignore God. The reason I say it’s “a little bit harder” is because just about everywhere you go there’s someone spouting off about God. And you can find countless websites about creationism and Christianity. Or tons of churches in every town across America. You can even find those pesky Gideon Bibles in hotel rooms. (side note: Who’s Gideon? And where did he get all those Bibles?)
But it’s still easy to ignore God if you just arm yourself with the right tools.
Good news is, the tools are everywhere so they’re easy to find. And thanks to our trade deficit with China, they’re extremely affordable. Just get yourself a big screen TV (or two or three) and sign up for as many TV, game, and sports channels as possible. Or stock up on booze, bottles, and bongs. Or sign up for as many social media channels as possible and spend all your free time chattin’ it up out there.
Now, it’s big-time important for you to get the tools. Because they help drown out all those noisy do-gooders who keep trying to tell you you’re going to hell if you don’t repent. Buncha freakazoids.
What’s wrong with havin’ a little fun blowin’ up stuff? And so what if someone finds your language offensive. What about free speech, right? What business is it of anybody else if you wanna watch videos, smoke a little skunk, and talk trash?
Plus, that whole business about some “righteous God” sitting somewhere up in a place called “heaven” judging all of us just for livin’ life? Yeah, that’s just a story made up by punk*** puritan control freaks. Right?!
Somebody needs to teach them a lesson.
Somebody ought to round ’em all up and just feed ’em to the lions.
Easy there, Tony, you’re getting carried away.
Am I? Would you believe that happens every day somewhere? And would you believe that sort of thing has happened every century since we humans first inhabited this planet? Look it up. History overflows with examples of man’s cruelty to his fellow man.
Anyway…
So…you’ve completed Step 1.
And I don’t know if you’ve spent much time on Step 2. (I hope not) There’s only one more step, and you’ll be a cruel intentions expert.
Step 3. Keep doing whatever’s right in your own mind.
Don’t listen to anyone who would dare tell you to “love your neighbor as yourself.”
Pure silliness. Pay no attention to anyone who has the audacity to say “life is a precious gift from God.” Oh man! Talk about unenlightened. And never, ever fall for that old-fashioned idea of “do unto others as you’d have done to you”. Yeesh. Could it BE any more cornball than that?
No, just keep on keepin’ on. Build your muscles and your dark and brooding attitude. You da man. (or woman) Before you know it, your cruel intentions will help you in your survival of the fittest quest. But don’t be surprised if, somewhere along the way, you end up in…
Echo Rodeo
So much of what you say and do
Will come full circle back at you.
I think no one is born a fool.
You have to learn how to be cruel.
But if you do, you’ll take the falls
And stand and yell at canyon walls.
Fear, buckin’ like a steer, in the echo rodeo.
And the longer you hang on the more you lose.
Hope, just a piece of rope in the echo rodeo.
You could change the course
Or ride the darker horse.
In the echo rodeo you have to choose.
To analyze the spoken word
You should make sure you’ve really heard
‘Cause when your mouth is open wide,
Not too much knowledge goes inside.
Don’t let the sun set on your mind.
Your echoes will leave you behind.
chorus – instrumental – repeat chorus to end © 1992 TF
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