So, maybe before I shared this with you, you didn’t know there was such a thing as an ironic beard. Don’t feel left out or less hip. Because I didn’t either…which is ironic. (psst…I have a beard)
But through some odd search results, for an entirely different topic, I found out about “hipster facial hair.” Apparently there was (and is?) a hipster subculture that started this weird facial hair fad back around 2005-06. And as I read about half the article (I can’t read nonsense all the way through) it clicked how I’ve been seeing the strangest beards for the last few years.
From what I gathered, in the article, some guys grow horrible looking long beards just for the “celebration of unattractiveness.” And other guys grow their beards to accentuate what they perceive to be their good looks.
Yeesh.
But regardless of what their motives were, beard-growing gained popularity. Even among “celebrities.” And, suddenly, it was “the thing” to grow plenty of facial hair.
So, as it turns out, an ironic beard isn’t exactly ironic.
To call it that is really more on the moronic side of things.
Because facial hair isn’t good or bad. It isn’t about demographics. Yeah, I read that before the hipster stuff back in the early 2000’s full beards were found basically just on older males. But because of the whole hipster thang, young guys started sporting them, too.
Now, I personally find that ironic. Because when I was 20…which I considered to be young (still do)…I grew my beard out for the first time. And I’ve had facial hair for just about all the hundred and forty years since then. But I never grew or kept my beard to make a fashion statement. Or to be hip.
I just preferred not to shave my whole face. And it always was (and is) mainly a matter of comfort. And then it became my “look” so much that now even my own mom has said she can’t imagine me without it.
Now, that’s a little ironic…coming from a mom. Don’t you think?
Anyway.
I didn’t intend to talk about hair
That grows on a face ’cause, good grief, who’d care?
But sometimes the news maneuvers me there.
Ironic, it is…so full of hot air.
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Infinitely creative. That’s the way you might imagine somebody who could conjure up designs for the universe and everything in it. And if you found out that the same person could get it all built in only six days, you might start to think, “This is no ordinary person.” And that would be the understatement of all time.
Because there’s one who can be infinitely creative.
Surely I don’t have to tell you who that is. Right?
Oh sure, I know your first thought was probably, “Hey, Tony’s talking about himself. What an arrogant so and so.” But then you remembered, “Wait a minute…Tony’s not infinite. Maybe it’s not him!
And then it probably occurred to you, “Oh, I know. I’ll bet he’s talking about God.” Followed by the obligatory forehead slap. Then, it all started flooding back into your mind.
All those amazing designs that sprang into existence during The Very First 6 Days of creation. Our tiny minds can hardly imagine how all that could have happened just because God commanded it.
He just spoke the words. And the universe appeared.
I love letting my imagination wander when I read the story of creation in Genesis. And that’s why I decided to write a rhyming book for kids. So they could hear the rhymes and imagine it, too.
I’m sharing the section from the first day. Get the whole colorful paperback, on Amazon, for your kids. It makes the days of creation easy to understand and remember. Because it rhymes. Kids love that.
Before there were created things like water and fresh air…
No world or human beings were existing anywhere.
Then God created earth and sea and all the heavens too.
There was no sun, no moon, no stars, and only God shone through.
He looked down at the waters and the dark face of the deep.
The earth was still and quiet just as we are when we sleep.
He said, “Let there be light” the way a perfect, true God could,
And then He saw the brand new light and knew that it was good.
Then God divided light and dark, and darkness He called Night.
The light would be called Day, and it was pleasing in His sight.
That evening and that morning wouldn’t be the total sum…
No, that was just the very first day…five were yet to come.
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An old friend of mine, from back in my days as a full time musician in Texas, loved REO Speedwagon. And I think she even got to meet them one time. I wasn’t a fan. But there’s no denying they were a pretty successful band. They had hits like Can’t Fight This Feeling, Keep On Loving You, and Take it On the Run. But their hit song, Ridin’ the Storm Out came up in my head when I read about Abraham Wald.
What do a successful band and Mr. Wald have in common?
Nothing really. Except for criss-crossing thoughts of them in my brain. Allow me to explain.
Travel back in time with me, now, to the inside of a fighter plane flying over enemy territory in World War II. When those crews landed safely back at base, most of the time they’d be riddled with bullet holes. And there were people who studied those bullet holes. And they noticed certain areas of the planes were hit more than others.
So, naturally, the first thoughts were to make those parts of the planes a lot stronger. Because the goal was to reduce the number of planes shot down. Sounds logical. Right?
Not so fast.
This is where Abraham Wald came in. Apparently he was a vampire. Uh…wait. Scratch that. I just re-read his story. And, yes, he was born in Transylvania. But he was not a vampire. He was a Hungarian Jew. And, as it turned out, a mighty sharp mathematician.
In fact, he founded the field of statistical sequential analysis. Without going into too much detail about what that is, here’s a definition I found: “Sequential analysis is the branch of statistics concerned with investigations in which the decision whether or not to stop at any stage depends on the observations previously made.”
Abe put that expertise to good use when he checked the bullet holes data on those fighter planes. And, after he noticed the patterns of bullet holes and studied more data, he presented a much better way to look at the problem. He pointed out that the planes that were shot in those patterns were the ones that returned.
And with that insight, he apparently convinced the decision makers who ordered planes to be reinforced in those areas that didn’t have bullet holes. And, as a result, fewer fighter planes…and more importantly the crews…were shot down.
You might say they were better equipped to keep Ridin’ the Storm Out.
Well, YOU might not say it. But that certainly wouldn’t keep ME from sayin’ it.
So, the moral of the story (if you wanna call it that) is this. Data, logic, reason, and careful investigation of the information can provide a much more valuable perspective.
And that’s why it’s important to understand humans are information based. We’re uniquely designed like no other living creature…or inanimate object. And it’s because you and I were made in the image and likeness of God. With attributes like emotions, logic, and reason that couldn’t have evolved even if the universe was a humongazillion years old.
So join the only truly successful band,
The one that God created with His own hand.
And just imagine all of the songs we’ll write,
‘Cause we will live forever in His love light.
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If you’ve spent even a little bit of time online, you’ve probably noticed a common “item” in the world of internet marketing. And you might have taken advantage of it more than once. I have. In fact, I have one of these on the opening page of TonyFunderburk.com. Of course I’m talking about the almost ubiquitous free offer. And marketers use it all the time for one simple reason. It works.
Who doesn’t love a free offer? Or a free gift?
And in this digital age, you can get a lot of those freebies almost instantaneously. And all you need is an email address. It’s really pretty cool when you think about it. Because people have been able literally change their whole lives just by using the information in a digital freebie.
(Side note: I don’t believe my free offer will change your whole life. But it’ll put a smile on somebody’s face.)
People, from just about every walk of life, have had great success by gathering up lots of fans, followers, clients, and customers with their offers. But not just because of the offer. They had to deliver on their promises. And the ones who do reap the most benefits.
But I’ll bet 99% of the entrepreneurs, business owners, and website operators are clueless as to who started the whole free offer thing. And you gotta go back in time, way past the days of the internet to see where it originated. In fact, you gotta go back in time, way past the days of TV…or radio…or even newspaper.
Right about now, if you’ve followed me on my website, or in my emails, or on my Rhyme and Reason Podcast, you might be thinking, “Uh-oh…I think Tony’s gonna talk about that free gift of salvation that Jesus provided.” Right?
Well that’s the most expensive “free offer” in the history of the universe…to be sure. But no, you gotta back in time, even way past Jesus, or papyrus and scrolls. And keep going back past the time of multiple languages and different “races, creeds, and customs.”
And your wayback time travel machine should only stop when you reach the garden of Eden.
Paradise on Earth.
The original free offer. Eternal life in paradise. Right here on our beautiful blue planet.
When you read about the six days of creation (a literal six days, by the way), you see how God created the universe, all the planets and stars, and everything else on Earth. And He finished His creative work with His masterpieces.
A man. And a woman.
And the first thing He did was to offer the whole world to them. Free. They could live in paradise forever. And they could simply enjoy all the fruits from all the trees in their garden paradise. Sort of like a permanent vacation. All the trees, that is, except for one. God told them if they ate from that one tree, they’d die.
Now, you might think that would be enough to keep them away from that tree. But you’d be wrong.
Because, sure enough, they made a beeline for that tree. Well, not really. But yeah, kinda.
But think about it from their perspective for just a minute. They were the first two people. And they had never seen anybody die. So, they probably couldn’t get their minds around the concept of death. “We’ll die if we eat the fruit from this tree? What’s that even mean?
Of course, the fault in their logic was that they should’ve just listened to God. And they should’ve just obeyed. Because, like all free offers, somebody’s gotta pay. Free is a concept. Not a reality. Because somebody always pays.
And even God’s first free offer…which was the first one ever…was paid for.
First, by Adam and Eve. But even more importantly, when they disobeyed God, they triggered His contingency plan. And that plan required the most expensive payment there ever was or ever will be. And there would be only one person who could or would ever be able to afford it.
The One who still offers eternal life to anyone who wants it.
For Free.
Because Jesus made the payment
You can live forevermore
In paradise…in His love.
So, what are you waiting for?
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I was a fan of Chicago (the band, not the city) when I was in high school. And for years after. I’m not sure what they’ve done in recent years. But some of that early stuff with horns, strings, double drummers…it was slammin’ jammin’. And if you’re a fan of drums, percussion, and bass arrangements, check out I’m A Man. Bam! Awesome drum solo. But another song came to mind last week, “Searchin’ So Long.” Because I was doing some online research using search engines from Google and a couple of others. But, as usual, I noticed something mighty annoying.
Search engines don’t serve up the conservative side of truth very well.
And Google is particularly guilty of skewing results. So, the information you need and want to find is getting buried more often than not. And when I say “buried,” I mean sometimes it won’t show up at all. Unless, maybe, if you’re willing to go to the 100th page of results. And you’re probably not gonna do that. Right?
As it turns out, I’m not the only one who’s noticed this. Apparently there are a couple of other conservative Christians out there. You’re one of ’em, aren’t you?
Anyway…
A friend of mine, and his team, have put together a micro search engine that uses Google against itself. How cool is that? Well, pretty darn cool. As a matter of fact, I’m gonna share a link to the little search engine that could. And you’ll see how it serves up results based on the content on a large (and growing) group of conservative websites.
And this search engine filters out the vast majority of that other junk and fake news.
Give it a try.
I think you’ll love it. It’s totally free. Nothing to sign up for. No information collected. Just a micro search engine page. And it’s like giving Google a dose of truth serum.
Conservative search – https://cse.google.com/cse?cx=13446e85c74f76be3
And keep your dial tuned in to me. Because I’ll be sharing another little search engine that helps you focus results on creation science sites. If you’re like me, you’ll love being able to tap into real science instead of all that God-hating, evolution-loving science from knuckleheads who try to pose as scientists.
Searchin’ for an answer, but the answers don’t seem true.
And this happens all the time, so what’s a guy to do?
Don’t look in the places where the liars want you to.
Try out these solutions that I’m sharing here with you.
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OK, kids. Gather ’round. Because I’m gonna tell you a story that’s true, even though it sounds like a fairy tale. “Once upon a time, when I was a kid, my whole family would sit down in the same room and watch television shows together. That’s right, the same shows…together.” Yeah, that sounds like a fairy tale these days. But it was true. And a news story reminded me of how one of those shows started off with “And away we go.”
Of course, I’m talking about Jackie Gleason. And he was the star of the popular Saturday night TV show, appropriately named “The Jackie Gleason Show.” The “great one” (as he was known) would start the show with a monologue. And at the end of the monologue, he’d strike a pose, as though he was gonna speed off like the Roadrunner, and say…
“And away we go!”
But you sorta had to be there. Because it wasn’t just the pose or the words. It was the way he said it. I’m sure you can find a video of it online. So, check it out, and you’ll see what I mean. I was too young to actually understand some of the show’s humor. But that part was funny.
Now…this is just another example of the quirky way my brain works.
Because I thought of that Jackie Gleason catchphrase after I heard about a moron, Emanuel Cleaver, and his idiotic, so-called “prayer.” I’m sure you’ve already heard or read about him. And how he ended the “prayer” to open the 117th Congress with “Amen and awoman.”
That’s idiotic on so many levels. First, it mixes plural with singular. Second, Amen isn’t a gendered word. It basically means “so be it” in the Christian and Jewish faiths. (By the way, you should check out this presentation of the origin of Amen.)
Also, the name Emanuel contains MAN. But who’s counting. And apparently that guy (who I said is not a clever Cleaver) is not only a Congresman…oops there’s man again…but he also calls himself a United Methodist preacher. Yikes!
Sadly, there are far too many of these so-called “preachers.”
And there are far too many people who blindly go to their churches and never call ’em out on their foolishness and hypocrisy. So, these moron ministers feel legitimate. And their motivational speech “churches” grow and “prosper.”
But that’s not the worst part.
The worst part is the damage they do to the rest of the world’s view and opinion of the Body of Christ. They think we must all be fools and dorks and morons like this hack, Cleaver.
And so we “suffer the slings and arrows” of their outrageous inanity. But that’s why Christians who know better need to “take arms against” this “sea of troubles.” And before anyone thinks I’m saying “Annie git your gun” let me say I’m a Romans 12:18 guy.
So…even if you’re a woman…can I get an Amen?
Give me words…give me courage…
Give me time and a powerful voice.
And when many still may hate me,
Give me Your love and I’ll always rejoice.
(from “Give Me The Whole Jesus“)
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Silence the opposition is a sinful proposition
“Hey! Shut up! Don’t lie to me. You think I’m blind. But I’ve got eyes to see.” Yeah, a lot of what’s going on in America reminds me of those first couple of lines from Bonnie Raitt’s song “Have a Heart.” And I know it’s not a direct correlation, but it’s how my Rhyme and Reason brain works. It connects that rhyme and those lyrics with how ne’er-do-wells who practice to deceive would actually prefer to silence the opposition.
And right now they silence the opposition through a faulty system.
But given time you can expect them to escalate their strategy to include physical harm…and even death.
And to most people (sadly) my assertions will sound like paranoia or a conspiracy theory. However, most people aren’t aware of how human nature is basically deceitful and wicked. So, the most despicable deeds throughout human history tend to repeat. With the acceptance of the majority who don’t learn from history. And don’t care to learn.
And that’s how we arrive at this increasingly divisive point in America’s history. Through a system that actually encourages divisiveness. Yeah, you read that right. Democracy encourages a divided nation. Or, at the very least, provides means for division.
Because, like I’ve said many times, it’s crucial to remember how all the self-serving politicians were voted into their positions. Voted. And if you’re a Christian, you should make it a point to examine the Bible to see if voting is God’s preferred method for establishing governments and authorities. (spoiler alert…it’s not)
Even though I’ve mentioned how I’m not a Trump fan, I know what Congress is doing to him is evil and self-serving. And, like all deceitful and wicked people who ever lived, they do it in the name of protecting you and me from bad stuff.
But, ironically, they ARE the bad stuff.
Because they’d rather gain the whole world, as they lose their souls, than trust God and risk losing their temporary authority.
I read this quote from Harry Truman (a Democrat president, believe it or not). It’s from a message he delivered to Congress, August 8, 1950, on the “Internal Security of the United States.” And it shows how far America has fallen in essentially one generation.
“Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear.”
And if you haven’t gotten the sense that America’s citizens are currently living in fear of the government, you should pay attention to what that government is doing to the current president. Then, ask yourself, “If they can do it to him, am I truly safe?”
They answer is “no” by the way.
Now, they misconstrue what you say.
So, I recommend that, today,
Put your trust and faith in The Way.
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Each and every time America goes through an election cycle there’s a bunch of what I call strange change. And it’s rarely, if ever, for the good. But the presidential election of 2020-2021 goes down as one of the strangest. I suggest you hold on for the ride. And don’t just look for a place to hide till it’s all over.
Yeah, hold on for the ride on a bronc named Consequences.
Because ideas are full of ’em. And that especially includes political ideas…and agendas. After all, they affect millions of people. Not just the thinker uppers.
And when politicians cheat, lie, and steal your way through life, that’s bad enough. But what’s worse is when millions of people VOTE for them year after year. Cycle after cycle. Term after term. So, the cheaters, liars, and thieves feel legitimized. And empowered. To the point where they’ll cheat, lie, and steal boldly. With an attitude of “how dare you question my integrity and motives?!”
And they cheat, lie, and steal in the name of “helping those who can’t help themselves.” So, who could argue with that logic, right? They’ll say things like, “Your fight is my fight.” And that’s a strategy right out of the Mein Kampf playbook. Just in case you didn’t know, the German words, Mein Kampf, translated into English are “my fight.”
But don’t lose heart. Hold on to Jesus for this ride. Because He’s the one, true, living, loving Creator who knows what you’re going through. And He created broncs, so He can certainly help you stay on.
And, on that note, I’ll leave you with a relaxing lullaby. Be sure to tune into the Rhyme and Reason Podcast of this article, so you can listen.
Hold On (you gotta hold real tight)
I would love to take you in my arms
And capture all your dreams that get away
‘n put them in your heart where they belong
And fill it full of love so they can stay.
But I wonder if there’s magic in my hands.
And I don’t know for sure what I should do.
To make your monsters fade and disappear.
So I can only sing these words to you…
Hold on; you know you gotta hold real tight.
Gotta keep your dreams where they’re easiest to see.
Hold on; I know you gotta hold real tight.
If you look behind the Love that’s where they’ll be.
I would love to see your smiling face
And know that at least in some small way I was there,
When you needed someone to help you through your darkness,
And help you get your wings back in the air.
Chorus
You got to keep believing in your choices.
No one but you can really clear the air.
And if you find you’re hearing different voices.
Then it isn’t just a passing love affair.
Repeat 1st verse and choruses to end
© 1986Tony Funderburk
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Gospel: the message concerning Christ, the kingdom of God, and salvation – Gospel Music: of, relating to, or being religious songs of American origin associated with evangelism and popular devotion and marked by simple melody and harmony and elements of folk songs and blues – And why do I bring it up? Because of one particular gospel singer. He sold out concerts. And he had over 100 top 40 singles. And so far, even though he’s dead now, he’s sold somewhere around one billion units of his music worldwide. The next top selling gospel singers are somewhere around one percent of those sales.
Do you know who this gospel singer is?
OK, I’ll give you a hint. And I bet I don’t need to give you more than this one hint. He was born on this day (January 8). And today is his 86th birthday.
So, yeah…I’m talkin’ about Elvis Presley, the King of rock ‘n’ roll.
But wait. Didn’t I say he was a gospel singer? Well, yes I did. Because he was. And even though he didn’t rise to such amazing heights because of gospel music, he apparently loved the music. As a matter of fact, according to those who worked with him, Elvis even sang gospel songs to warm up before his concerts.
Of course, I’m sure you’re all shook up about his number 1 hits and top 40 hits. And maybe you even know he received 14 Grammy nominations. But did you know he only won three of those awards? And did you know all three were for gospel songs. It’s true. His first Grammy win was in 1967 for Best Sacred Performance. And the song was “How Great Thou Art,” his second gospel record.
Elvis was nominated for “You’ll Never Walk Alone” in 1968. But he didn’t win again until 1972 with his recording of “He Touched Me.” And then he won again, in 1974, for another recording of “How Great Thou Art.”
Unfortunately, his worldwide fame got the better of him. And he died of an apparent drug overdose in 1977. But his drug usage and questionable lifestyle didn’t keep him out of Heaven. Before you challenge me on whether or not Elvis made it to Heaven, read that again. I didn’t say he went to Heaven. Or that I know he’s there. Although, I sure hope so. My point is, God doesn’t ban drug users and other immoral people. If He did, Heaven would have no human inhabitants.
And gospel singers don’t go to Heaven, either.
At least not for being gospel singers. Or any other kind of singer. Or for being any other kind of person for that matter.
Nope. You can win every kind of music award known to man. And you can be inducted into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame. And you sell millions of records…and still go to hell.
In fact, you can even be an EGOT and still go to hell. (an EGOT is someone who’s won all the 4 major American entertainment awards: Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and dare I say it? the most prestigious of them all…the Tony)
You can also be a singer with no awards plaques on your wall. Or a musician with no accolades from any of the so-called “major awards” and still go to Heaven. Matter of fact you can be a singer who writes and produces music based on theologically sound Christian doctrine and repel most Christians…and still go to Heaven.
Anyway…getting back to the main theme of this article…
Happy Birthday, Elvis. I hope Heaven is your home.
‘Cause it’s the one, true Graceland where you can find shalom.
Maybe one day you and I can sing some worship tunes
And lift our voices, high, on a million afternoons.
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